Are you smarter than a baby monkey?

SPONSORED BY: Survival of the Dummies Incorporated - Saving humans one dummy at a time.

How many monkeys does it take to screw in a light bulb?  None, apes have genetically altered their eyes with the capability to see in the dark as well as daylight, and if they needed something as antiquated as a light bulb screwed in, they would make humans do it.  #sadbuttrue

So why are we asking this question?  Well, your ability to survive as a human mostly depends on evading apes.  Research shows that humans have a 63% greater chance of being captured by apes than being bit by a zombie or vampire.  And while all super intelligent apes pose a risk, it’s mostly the little ones that you have to worry about.  The adults are busy developing new technologies and running experiments.  In between their studies, the young apes are assigned mostly to guard duty and trapping humans. While they may not be as smart as the full grown adults, they are typically smarter than your average human, so if you want to make it out there, you should test yourself before venturing into the wild.  Survival of the Dummies Incorporated has developed a definitive test to see if you can avoid being captured.  If you answer these three questions correctly, you have a good chance of avoiding the ape‘s traps and tricks.  If you fail . . . then you probably already know your fate.  Good luck. You’re gonna need it.

1.       A di-lithium reactor coil puts out 340 million eco-vectors of energy.  How many parsecs can you travel in space using a standard bio-quad synergy warp engine?

2.       You are in a dark ally with no way out. Your only option is to keep running forward or turn around and return the way you came.  In front of you is a gorilla with a Mark 1 Caesar Enhancement Armor Suit.  Behind you is a chimpanzee wearing telekinetic environmental manipulation gloves.  Which direction increases your chance of survival?

3.       The Cavendish banana is the most common while the Lady Finger Banana is the second most common now that Earth has been taken over.  Which type does a baby monkey prefer?


DISCLAIMER: All claims made in these survival guides are known to be partially or completely false. Products from Survival of the Dummies Incorporated come with no warranty or guarantee and should be used at the user’s own peril. All complaints should be delivered in person at the following address.  1 Survive Blvd. Fourth Rock from the Sun, Mars 9021π